I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been in Student Halls for about three days now, and I haven’t been able to get a good nights’ sleep. I’m fairly sure it has nothing to do with the constant stream of cars going by my window as I grew up with that kind of noise, so I’m used to it. I also have constant stomach pains. Not bad enough to cause me to cramp or throw up, but there is like a knot in my stomach that I cannot get rid of for some reason. I suppose it could be because I’m not eating properly, but the only reason I’m not, is because of the constant stomach pains... it’s an evil circle. I only manage to eat my two slices of bread breakfast after I’ve been away to Uni for a while and then come back...

The only time I really feel comfortable is when I’m out walking, or when I’m over at Leona and Mark’s. Maybe it has something to do with it being a familiar place, kind of like a comfort zone... I even find myself happy to see Arthur when I go over there, which is really strange...

I feel like an outsider in this flat; the other tenants are all from different courses and countries, and all of them speak really broken and bad English. I don’t dislike them or anything, I just don’t feel that we really have anything in common, so it’s really hard to talk to them about anything, also, I don’t think they like me very much; they only tolerate me because I have all the cooking utensils and the most knowledge and experience about Scotland.

It’s just after 6pm, and I really wish I could go up to Leona and Mark, but I don’t want to impose on them yet again. I showed up uninvited yesterday and with no warning, and they taxied me around all Monday, so I feel like they’ve put up with me enough this week to warrant a day off. I’m going over there tomorrow anyway. I’d like to think they think of me as a friend, because I do, and not like Morag’s boyfriend who needs constant care and overseeing...

Maybe if I had a job, I wouldn’t feel so empty. I wish I’d gotten that job at the Odeon, but it doesn’t look like that’s happening... I haven’t asked, because I don’t want to seem pushy.

I don’t really miss home, but I think I miss the idea of home; somewhere I’d feel comfortable and I knew I’d always would be able to come back to at the end of the day to relax, and my room just doesn’t feel like that... at least not yet. Mum is also bugging me to take pictures of the flat, but I just can’t be buggered at the moment, not when I’m feeling like this.

Maybe some of this... I hesitate to call it stress, because it doesn’t feel like it... anxiety is a better word, yeah, anxiety. Maybe some of this anxiety comes from not having any money as my student loan hasn’t come through as of yet. Maybe I should go to the bank tomorrow to try and open a bank account. Need to speak to the Uni about that proof of placement letter though. I’ll do that after the temporary tenants have gone tomorrow morning. Hopefully we get some nice people here, preferably someone who speaks fluent English...

I really miss Morag; I wish she was here now to comfort me and cheer me up. She’d know exactly what to say to get me out of this... anxiety depression, yeah; she’d know how to get me out of it. I really love her so much, and talking to other people about women and such things makes me miss her even more. I truly believe that she’s the one and only for me. I just hope she feels the same way.

...I need a hug...